Who ya gunna call?!........FROGBUSTERS!!!!!!!!

Hello again lads and lasses. Though it is 2 days later than expect, the end of the Frog post is here! Yayyyy!.....where did i leave off...? Oh, bollocks...


So i have already mentioned the 4 attributes that a country has to be proud of, (sports teams, army, history and people), and i ended the last post with the first of the four. So, what's next? Ah. The army, but let's leave that till last. Lets start with France's "rich" history and their lovely people!

Frances history:
1. Lost wars.
2. Lost wars.
3. Lost wars.
4. Gave up in wars.
5. Became the first nation to unify under the white flag.
6. Past legislation against bathing more than twice a month.
7. INVENTED perfume (i wonder why they would need that?)
8. (i have to admit, this, they have earned) Renowned world wide for excellent cuisine. (...but hey, all they do is sit around and say how much they hate things. They never get involved in world issues (because they'd lose), they never do charity work (why would the French help non-French people), they never bathe or shave, and since they have so much free time of doing nothing, they cook. Hooray for France. NAAAAT.
9. Lost Wars.
10. Gave up in wars.
11. Lost wars.
12. (......did i forget anything? Oh! How could i forget! ) Lost wars.








I didn't know the Eiffel Tower was in Germany?














I would continue speaking about the great histories of the French, but, well, i seem to have run out of things to mention. They really seem to do thing in cycles. Maybe they divide their time periods by military defeat like we divide era by major changes. But that would a lot of freakin time divisions. Some of them lasting only 1-2 days. Haha, poor bastards.





So. On to the next topic! The French people. Known worldwide to be the nicest on Earth!

As we all know, the French are about as amiable as the IRS or a step mother wearing a "I fucking hate you" shirt. All Frenchies in general hate everyone and everything. They dislike Americans, they dislike Africans, they dislike Jews, they dislike Christians, they dislike Whites, and they even hate their fellow Frenchmen! Who can you hate yourself?! They hate French people within France, but most of all Frenchies hate French-Canadians. How the hell can you hate a Canadian? They're so friendly and nice! Personally, French Canadians should just call themselves Canadian, why associate yourself with stuck-up Frogs?



Anyone visiting France knows that the French hate any and everyone because of they way they provide customer service. Most importantly the waiters.





Imagine this. You're in a beautiful city, taking pictures like an Asian tourist when you get this grumbling in your stomach. so, ignoring the smell, you walk the streets and find a nice cozy bistro. The coffee smells fresh and the food looks absolutely delicious. You take a seat (the bistro is empty) and wait for service. A short Frenchman with a mustache similar to that of a bicycle handle notices you and starts to accost you out of the seat. He says it's reserved. The bloody restaurant is empty. So to avoid him bothering you with a rancid smell of rotten cheese and garlic, you move. He directs you to a seat and starts speaking French faster than a Cuban in an argument. You don't speak French and he knows that. He easily told you to move in English but as he serves you in French. Three hours later you finish your meal. Coffee and a pastry. Both of which were behind the counter. It just took him that long because apparently he doesn't know his ass from his elbow. So you pay and ask for a picture with him, because, well, you're a tourist. He says "no." "Too busy." The bistro is empty. So you leave, without tipping. As you're about to leave you hear him fluttered, "NO TIP! You clean smelling American asshole!" No exaggeration, that's the average encounter. Seriously.

Well. Now that i've finished my rant on the people, lets begin the grand finale! THE FRENCH ARMY!!!



That fact that the French have won absolutely nothing seems to be such an over used topic...NAAAAAAAT. The French army has little, wait..., nothing to be proud of. They have lost battle after battle and they still haven't grown a pair. If they have, it's probably the size of a Q-tip tip. I need not remind you how many humiliating defeats the French have been through, or even how many times they have given up. I don't even think "fight" is a term in the French Military Handbook. The only thing found in that handbook are several ways to surrender to an enemy.

Step 1:
Cry
Step 2:
Beg
Step 3:
Promise that if taken prisoner, you WILL shower
Step 4:
Cry some more
Step 5:
Take off your underwear, mount it on a stick, and wave it like your life depended on it
Step 6:
When they let you go, curse them while running as fast as you can back to France. Unless it's been taken over then...never mind, just come back, you'll give up anyway (if caught, go back to step 1 and repeat).
Step 7:
If they mock you for being a coward...just accept it. You're French.

That's one hell of a handbook.

Wait. Why the bloody hell does France have an army? They never use it! All they do it give up instantly, so being in the French military is a joke. It's like being a straight (male) fashion designer. It just doesn't work.



Wait. I know why the French have a military! To keep the order within the country. If there were ever to be a riot, you deploy that French military because one can safely assume that the French military has the most courageous of the Frogs (not much of an achievement) on their side. So the rebellion and the military would face off. No fighting of course, it's to see who gives up first. Hopefully the military. But who cares?

It doesn't matter who's in control. They're all French and nothing will happen except hating, lack of bathing and surrendering until the world finally comes to it's senses and demotes France and packs them off to Antarctica.

Ack, poor penguins. But then the animal rights activists will argue for the sake of the them, we can't subject the poor defenseless animals to the French. *Sigh* Bollocks, this will never end. Bloody Frogs.


Couldn't have said it better myself.



Cheers!