Run to the hills...then stare...then take a picture!

Now here's another age old question. Why do men CONSTANTLY stare at breasts, and why will they never stop?



Having being asked this question several times (i don't know why they ask me because i never stare at breasts, it soooo barbaric), i have finally decided to ponder an answer and i believe i have found the ultimate reason of why.

The reason why us guys stare at breasts can be explained by the simple saying, "The forbidden fruit is the sweetest." Since it is socially unacceptable for men to just glare at a pair of knockers, we simple enjoy the fact that we are doing something that we aren't allow to do! The challenge of staring whilst not getting caught also adds to the fun of mountain expeditions. But that's just a small part of the equation. Other factors also play their part in the never ending stare:

- It's a great way to pass the time and elude boredom.
- It's an age old tradition whose secrets and abilities have been passed down from age to age.
- It's a primal instinct that comes as natural as breathing amoung men.
- Stop will create a whole in the time-space spectrum where all the eyes of men that have ceased staring fizzle out due to lack of use...it's a terrible thing.

This is in all seriousness though, you DO NOT get between a man and his pair(s).

What women seem to not understand is that, unless the guy you’re hanging out with is your best friend or the love of your life, he is most likely bored. So how do us guys pass the time? Well, we like to play a little game.

The game is actually lots and lots of fun. I used to be a pro, but I have retired. [For obvious reasons ;)] But this game goes by many names and probably isn’t even named for most guys. But me, personally, I like to call it the “Chicken Breast.”
This game consists of a world of players. Those players are broken down into two groups. The prowlers and passive. The prowlers are all guys (except for gays) and lesbians (if they like staring, that is). While the passive are all women (and any guys that have a pair on their own…but then the gays might want to play too, so the game is adjusted accordingly). So the main basis of the game is that the prowlers have no idea what is going on, while the prowlers do all the playing. Since the passive are clueless, their job is to just act as if the biggest game in the world, a game that is played 24/7 and all 362 or 366 days of the year, is not taking place. The prowlers, then, have all the fun. What the prowlers do in this game is simply not staring blankly at a pair of knockers, no, it’s more complicated than that. What makes you a real prowler is the superb ability to do several things at once. Like, for example, if a man was to be painting and then a nice young lady with a silicon chest walks by, what is he to do? Stop painting so he can stare? No. If this man is a real prowler, he’d be able to paint, judge the size, shape and style of bra, while also talking to his wife and searching for more hills to explore. I wouldn’t know. I…uh…retired, yeah, that’s it, I retired, before I could become a true prowler. ;). So a real prowler is a oerson who can successfully stare, judge size, guess nipple shape, identify style AND brand of bra while doing several things at once: that includes prowling for more passives, WHILE NOT GETTING CAUGHT. Being some n00b that blankly stares at breasts just makes you a n00b.



But why the name “Chicken Breast”?, might you ask. The explanation is quite simple, and those of whom that are sharp should get it already. It is called chicken breast because the game itself is constant game of chicken. If people don’t know that the game of chicken is: Chicken is a game that can be played in almost situation that is presented between two people. Take, for example, the most common use of the game. “Real” chicken is the game that is played between two car operators. The two cars are placed some distance away, facing each other on the same path (so they’d hit if neither stopped). To play chicken, both drivers need to slam on the accelerator going as fast as they can. The first person to turn out of the path (avoiding a collision) is the chicken. But is both are to crash, then they’d be n00bs, chickens…and not only that, but they’d be dead. Silly n00bs. Right, well, back to the game at hand. It is called chicken breat because it is a constant game of chicken played between the prowler and the passive. The passive is trying to stare and take a mental picture as well as they can without getting caught. A prowler knows the body language of a person who is about to turn ot look up, so they have to know how to properly ignore these cues so they can get the most out of that stare without getting caught. The poor bastards that take too long lose the game of chicken and are demoted (yes, there are ranks, but I won’t bother to explain, it’s a man law not to explain man-rank). And the “breast” at the end complete the game of chicken because, well, the prowlers are staring at several pairs! The master can detail all the passives in a room within a matter of 3 minutes and 27 seconds. That’s beast. I almost got there…before I retired…but that’s ok. I like retirement very much. :)

Well, now that the game as been explained, i hope that the ladies understand why we guys do it. But i still need to explain us guys will NEVER stop. But that's easy:

GETTING US TO STOP IS LIKE GETTING A STRAIGHT MAN TO ENTER THE FASHION BUSINESS. IMPOSSIBLE. But seriously, if you ask a guy to stop staring as a pair of breasts is like asking him to stop breathing. To stop living. To cease to exist. Unless the guy wants to commit suicide, i doubt he will grant the request.

[Except for the guys with girlfriends. They don't stare at other women's breast {well, i dont anyway}, they just can't help but stare at thier girlfriends.] So all these rules apply, except just to the girlfriend. Of whom I, i mean, we, yes we, can't get enough of. I totally meant "we"...



AND NOW, A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR!

What do you think Buddy Jesus?



"well, i absolutely agree! Why do think i made the things in the first place?! Happy hunting." *Winks, points, and give thumbs up at the same time (in only the fashion that Buddy Jesus can)


Well, i do hope some wisdom from this post will come across you ladies so you'd be willing to play along! Because without you guys, use guys would cease to exist...and so would the human race!!! Oh no! So please, for the sake all the people around the world...DON'T PUT THEM AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. - I love you cata! I miss you, and now of this applies to me! I only have eyes for you. :D